We have been told by Mark that those who walked with Jesus were both amazed and afraid.
Amazed by His power and authority, His calling, His purpose and His life.
Afraid of His death, the cruelty of His punishment – the mocking, spitting, scourging and crucifixion.
With the call of following Jesus, there came a call and a blessing.
The call was that to follow Jesus, one would ultimately lead to the loss of their home, their relationships with brothers, sisters, mother and children, property, and facing persecution too.
The blessing, even though one might still face persecution, would be 100x more in homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and property as they enjoy a brand new family that share everything they have while they live here on earth. Let’s not forget the promise of eternal life when we leave this earth.
I think its okay to feel both ways, my problems only becomes apparent when I find myself not afraid. Then I know that I am not following so closely to Jesus as I ought too.